In the Storm

One Little Word 2019 | I give myself permission

 

I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION to let go of seeing myself as a failure in other’s successes. I don’t usually compare, rob myself of joy, but there is a couple of people who have begun a healthy journey around the same time as me - different, but they are seeing more success at weight loss. It is hard not to compare. I have to consider my personal situation against me, alone. It’s freeing.

I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION to rejoice in the successes. I have a hard time doing this because I think if I do, I will see setbacks because I’ve been prideful. It’s a slippery slope and in the mean time, I think I’m hurting, rather than helping, myself.

I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION to abide in my decisions to eat an 85/15 Keto-type lifestyle and that it will simply take longer to lose weight, a long-term lifestyle this way is more doable, and practical for my way of life and how I  choose to live, versus a more restrictive ‘diet’, instead, it’s a way of life I can grow with.

I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION to not be sensitive. My emotions are sitting on the cusp of overwhelm, therefore, I am reacting to unintentional words as hurtful, with a raw, scarred wounded heart. Instead, I need to soak up more of Jesus, more of His Word, think on those things that are true and noble and good.

I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION to give the time for some deep work. I have wanted to write a Bible study for so long but the time I would need to work on it is intense. I always think there are other things to do. I just needed permission that even if it is only for me, and maybe my daughter, I need to do this.

I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION to accept that becoming WHOLE is a work in progress. However, it is progress and it is not perfection. It is becoming more like Christ and not more like me. Because I don’t want to become more like me. I would prefer to become more like Christ and who He meant me to be. Apr ‘19

One Little Word 2019 | I AM

My One Little Word for 2019 is WHOLE. And, I am sorely behind on my lessons. Ali Edwards, our instructor sent out April's lesson and changed things up from previous years. Each week in the month of April she is encouraging us to respond to a statement or prompt that she is sending out at the beginning of the week. It means we'll be engaging with our word at least once a week.

When I listened to the lesson I quickly jumped on board with the first prompt. I knew how I wanted to create my page. I just didn't know what I wanted to say. But, first I created the page. As I was digitally stamping the I AM words onto my page I began thinking about my OLW WHOLE and where I stand right now with that word and my life.

Even though, as I mentioned, I am sorely behind, meaning I haven't completed several months of lessons, jumping in and completing this one lesson of four is, I think, enough to get me back on track. I think I'll take the month of April to catch up with my lessons.

I'm reading a book called Deep Work and while it is geared for critical work, life work, and not hobbies, I think the lessons I'm learning about deep work can be pretty much applied to any 'work' that needs to be done. I need to look at these assignments as deep work. It's a matter of focus and discipline.

whole intentions | january 2019

My One Little Word this year in 2019 is WHOLE. But that isn't what this post is about. I'll get to my one little word later in another post. Today I am sharing my WHOLE intentions for this month, January 2019. I am jumping into my word wholeheartedly. One action item in making my word visible - and active each month I will set short term monthly goals, or intentions, and those will be my focus for the month.

This month I have identified 4 specific intentions in my journey to becoming whole. This is the doing-the-work part of becoming whole.

[1] Eat KETO. Over the past several weeks (even more, really) I have been devising a plan to change my eating habits. I researched KETO after hearing how a friend lost 60+ pounds in 9 months and the impact - health-wise - that it had. One key piece, however minute, was beginning KETO in 2018 taking the stigma of it being a new years resolution out of the equation. Because this is the first full month I am making KETO a hardened fast intention for January (and probably will for the next couple of months until it becomes a lifestyle and not simply a diet).

Thankfully, I have made it a habit to plan our meals (since 2011), so planning KETO meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner wasn't difficult. With time I am sure I'll expand our menu repertoire but for this first month I'm keeping it simple, beginning with success in mind.

KETO is a long-term investment. I have a long way to go to being healthy and whole. But it is a necessary step.

[2] Swim 1x a week. Here's the thing: I love to swim. But, I have allowed the time commitment to derail my intentions. Jeff and I talked through my concerns, my habits, my discipline, the pros, the cons, the benefits. Basically, we weighed everything and I came to the conclusion that I cannot allow the time commitment to stand in my way any longer. It is not an easy thing laying out your weakness on the table but more than anything it freed me of those chains that were binding. Even though my weaknesses regarding the issue of time commitment is a sore subject, I garnered the support, and agreement by Jeff, and that he's on board with me I can let that go and - if it takes 45 minutes to drive to the pool it takes 45 minutes. If it takes more than 60 minutes to swim, so be it. If it means taking 30 minutes to get a shower, and battle afternoon traffic then that is what I will do for this healthy, necessary investment.

This first month I am shooting for 1x a week until I can get into the groove of going to the pool. Do I hope to go more than 1 time a week? Absolutely.

[3] Memorize the book of James, Chapter 1. Ashley and I are beginning the Beth Moore study, James. We'll be meeting on Face Time once a week and discussing what we've studied and learned. This is Moore's first bible study where she has incorporated levels of study from simply watching the videos, to completing the daily homework, reading additional material, writing out the book of James freehand (which is an amazing exercise, by the way), and the last level of study is to memorize the book of James. I've attempted this exercise in the past with limited success. I am hoping have Ashley as an accountability I can share my success with her by reciting the parts I have memorized.

[4] Probably the hardest to accomplish is walk one mile a day. Jeff bought me a Fitbit for Christmas and I'm wearing it everyday. To get a mile in I will have to be purposeful about walking - everyday. Sounds ominous! Especially with my pain levels where they are at. The catch is, though, in order to fight some of the pain I need to move more - even though moving hurts.